Now all CRW'ers know the usual stuff about "On your left" and pointing out potholes. I think it's time for new CRW members to be introduced to some of the unwritten rules of club rides. On of the main reasons for coming to a club ride is to see how many of your buddies you can drop. The ultimate goal of club riding camaraderie is to find yourself alone. This of course means at the front of the pack, i.e., being a dropper rather than a droppee. This goal will never be fessed up to by anyone, however, since as we all know CRW rides are NOT races. Still, there is usually a far higher number of droppees than droppers, so it is necessary to formulate excuses to save face. Some of my favorite ones are:
- I'm saving myself for the big event tomorrow (family barbeque)
- I've got a touch of (flu, berri berri, spinal meningitis) and I'm not quite up to form.
- I've recently become a rastafarian and am into being mellow, mon.
- My power bars and liquid energy food had a bad interaction
- My heart rate monitor readings were corrupted by passing airplane, aliens, etc
- The mileage was off and I was pacing myself for a forty mile ride (it was actually 40.2)
- My tires must not have enough air, my bottom bracket needs an overhaul, or other bad mechanical karma
- I didn't eat a big enough breakfast
- I ate too big a breakfast
- My good bike was in the shop
Of course, if you are lucky enough to be in the dropper group rather than a droppee, you must do your utmost to humiliate your less fortunate companions. You must make it appear that you arrived at the lunch stop with grace and ease and at least twenty minutes before the chase group (whereas in fact they were just barely out of sight). First, wipe all traces of sweat from your brow. See how fast you can get your heartrate back down from 200 to barely palpable. This may not in fact be possible in the twenty second lead you have from the chase group, so you may have to practice holding your breath instead. Try your utmost to appear nonchalant while your right hamstring is cramping severely.
The droppers of course have a litany of jibes aimed at further mortifying the hapless droppees, such as:
- I'm saving myself for the big event tomorrow (family barbeque)
You get the idea.
(With help from John Tobin and MJ Sassler)
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