I’ve been developing advanced group riding techniques in my old age. Since I’m no longer able to compete with brute force, I must resort to guile and jungle cunning.
One useful technique is trolling. You need to find some strong young pups to pull you along. Fortunately, each year there is a new rash of youngsters who haven’t yet figured out that being in front is not necessarily a good thing (it took me about ten years of watching the Tour de France to figure that out). So you set the bait, ride fast enough to get their interest, but slow enough so that they eventually get fed up and pass you. Then you latch onto their rear wheel like the wheelsucking parasite you are, and stay there for the duration.
Then there are what I call “Eddies.” I’m not talking here about Eddy Haskell, the Beaver’s friend. Eddies are riders you can lurk behind and recover your energy, like white water canoeists who will take a breather in an eddy before attacking the next set of rapids. So, you too can regain your energy at the expense of the unwitting Eddie. As soon as you’ve recovered, you must leave Eddie in the dust, since if you were able to catch him in the first place, he must be too slow to merit riding with.
Another case is you’re riding along by yourself and are passed. You need to size up the situation. If you’re passed slowly, i.e., the potential victim doesn’t blow your doors completely off and they are still within sight after a couple of minutes, then it’s worth expending the effort to catch up and stay with them. By with them I mean behind them, of course. With any luck they might not even realize you’re there, thus avoiding embarrassment in case they actually expect you to take a pull.
To maximize your wheelsucking potential, you need to be careful at the start. Resist the temptation to go out with the fast group because although you may be able to hang on for a while and enjoy the thrill of speed produced by someone else, you will eventually be spit out a panting quivering mass of protoplasm that will be too spent to wheelsuck the next group. Rather, find a group that you can draft with grace and ease, one that even were you to take a pull at the front (God forbid), you could still stay with comfortably.
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