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One thing that is truly unique to cycling is bicycle shorts.
When I started my cycling career, I just wore my normal clothes for many years. Of course, no one has ever suggested me for a role in “The Princess and the Pea,” but even I came to the conclusion after a while that these things may improve life when spending long hours in the saddle.
One thing the novice learns right away after buying a brand new pair of designer shorts is that they are meant to be worn sans Underwear. This is a major hurdle for many, but if you think about it, if you’re going to wear your jockey shorts under your Pearl Izumi’s you might as well just put on cutoffs instead for all the protection is will afford your tender tush.
Cycling shorts are perhaps the most risqué article in the world of athletic equipment. They are only a very thin layer between the world and the naughty bits. This is not a major problem for women, but it’s more of an issue for guys. Especially when the elastic gets a bit loose, it’s quite easy to see on which side you dress. But you get over it, your cycling buddies don’t really notice after a while, and the rest of the world thinks you’re crazy anyway for a number of other reasons.
The older shorts do present a problem, but being a frugal Yankee I like to get maximum mileage out of them, so they become winter shorts. Under several other layers, it really doesn’t matter how diaphanous they are. Of course, care must be taken to segregate them from the good shorts, or one fine summer day you may sally forth displaying parts where the sun don’t normally shine.
In the beginning, cycling shorts had the color choices of the original Ford, i.e., black. This was a good idea in my opinion, since all my shorts that didn’t start out black ended up that way. No matter how hard you try, there will come a day when you wipe your hands on your shorts after mucking about with your chain. As far as shorts go, black is beautiful. But mine is definitely a minority opinion, and now we see shorts in all sorts of designer colors. In addition, you can get shorts with different designs, kind of like having a billboard on your tuckus (they say it pays to advertise) It seems the space could be put to better use. Instead of giving free advertising to some obscure European racing team or bicycle part manufacturer, the space could be used to promote your own interests. Sort of like a personal web page on your butt. “For a good time, call Jack 555-1212” or I guess in the electronic age it would be more like “For a good time, email Jack at bikerbuttboy@uranus.com”.
The other problems with bike shorts is that even though the outside is generally black, the padding is invariably white. So, you have to take herculean measures to keep it that way (remember the no underwear lesson) This requires massive quantities of bleach if you don’t think a racing stripe would be a stylish addition. Seems to me if they can make the outsides all the colors of the rainbow, they could come up with a few earth colors for the padding.
But when all is said and done, they still beat jockey shorts.
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