I’m reading Bicycling, I turn to the classified ads section, and what do I see but a quarter page ad for breast enhancement. I’m looking at a picture of Fausto Coppi climbing Alpe d’Huez, turn the page, and there they are. There sandwiched in among ads for Excel and recumbents, is the “Guaranteed! #1 Seller In America.”
The company is called Blous-something which is supposed to get us thinking about blouses, I imagine, though said blouse is barely visible in the photo, which is worthy of Victoria’s secret. I suppose this is a bit more tasteful than “Boobs’R’Us.”
This is truly an amazing product in that it does its magic “without weight gain in other parts of the body.” I know every pound I put on goes immediately to my belly. Maybe I could make some money selling a belly enhancer. I can guarantee the weight won’t go to any other part of the body.
It must be so, because they had an independent double blind clinical study. Last study I participated in involved bicycle chains, where did I go wrong?
The ad is accompanied by a sidebar diagram that is a “Computer Generated Simulation.” It looks more like it was generated by a five year old computer with a crayon. Looks kind of like a poisonous mushroom turned sideways.
The other interesting thing about the ad is the use of pronouns like “she” and “her” suggesting that this product is not necessarily intended for her but her wistful significant other. “Dear, for your birthday, I got you these wonderful breast enhancing tablets, I know you’ve always wanted giant hooters.”
So, I’m wondering what they were thinking of when they placed this ad in Bicycling. I know that advertising decisions are not made lightly, they spend big bucks to find out how to make us buy things we really don’t need. Did they canvas local cyclists? “Well, I’m working on my climbing, and I’d like to do a century someday, and, oh yes, I really could use bigger breasts.”
I’ve gotten used to the car ads, we need a vehicle to take us and our bike to places we can’t ride to, and everyone who reads the mag could use some Advil, but this is a bit of a stretch.
I’m living in fear of the day they decide to advertise the male counterpart.
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